I have to say, right off, this is a RANT. About USPS. About mail carriers and mail clerks and new rules and all the changes that have happened to what used to be a tidy, pleasant service one never had to think twice about using.
I’ve postponed posting this rant, giving myself time to “cool down.” But USPS may have cost me my chance to secure the services of my first choice of literary agency, and that does NOT make me happy. “Cool down” isn’t working, so here goes:
I get a request from my top choice literary agency. I dutifully print the requested material, sliding it into a manuscript envelope, going to USPS.com, getting the price and label I need to get it sent off ASAP, next day delivery. I do all the things I need to do. And I put my precious package out in the mailbox for pickup.
Now here’s where things start to go “south.”
I go back to my mailbox long after the mailman has come and gone to find…my mailer with REQUESTED MATERIAL and exPENSIVE postage label still in my mailbox. He didn’t pick it up!
What?! ….Hmm. Maybe he didn’t see it. …And I’d already emailed a note to the agent that I’d put it in the mail.
Okay. Well, we’re all human, right? Right.
So I put it back in the next day. And when I check the mailbox that evening, what do I find? My mailer still there.
Double WHAT?!!!
Next morning — Saturday — I drive down to the main post office with my precious package, fuming and foaming at the mouth, but with my “best manners” plastered on my face. After a half an hour wait in line, I finally get up to the clerk — one clerk, a neanderthal-looking fellow who talks slow, moves slower, and has dull eyes. I explain my problem, and, looking over the package, he says to me: “Packages over 16 ounces have to be brought to the window. The mail carrier can’t pick them up.”
GREAT! So in order to mail something, I have to drive into town, now, and wait in line.
Then he informs me that I should use an EXPRESS MAIL FLAT RATE ENVELOPE only. Only. (Sigh.)
Okay. Where do I get one of those?
He whips one out, along with a label. “Fill this in,” says he. “…Over there.” He points to a counter over against the windows. “Don’t put the label on. I’ll do that.”
Okay. I trudge over and extract my “cargo,” inserting it into the “right kind of mailer.” I fill in the label — this flimsy form with minuscule space for writing….PRINTING…on it. (I have a comfortable-sized pen hand.) I mark REQUESTED MATERIAL on the FLAT RATE ENVELOPE.
Now I wait in line again. Another thirty minutes.
I get up to the same clerk. (There are finally two working.) He shakes his head. “No. You can’t do that. …Here.” He rips my package apart and slides my “stuff” into a new FLAT RATE EXPRESS MAIL MAILER. And? He slaps my label on it, whisking it away from my hand. He asks for payment, plus if I want stamps and other sundries.
“Ah, no. I need to put REQUESTED MATERIAL on the outside of that mailer,” I tell him.
“Sorry,” he tells me as my receipt prints out. “Marking on the outside is discouraged because it causes machine reader problems.”
But…but..but…..
“Next.” His eyes go to the next chump in line.
“I need to put…”
He rolls dead eyes at me. “I’m sorry,” he says again.
That’s it. I’ve been dismissed. The next guy is standing behind me, breathing down my neck, and the clerk is standing there looking like he’s gonna call the cops.
Fuming, I make my way home, go to USPS.com and try to find out “what in the world.” Can I find an answer? Nothing that matches what the mail clerk said. Nothing says that the mail carrier can’t pick up packages right from my mailbox at home…like he’s supposed to. Nothing says I can’t scribble on the OUTSIDE of my express mailer. Nothing!!!
Now, that said, I live in a place where, quite honestly, USPS hasn’t got a very good track record. It’s a local joke about carrier pigeon and dog sled. And “the dog ate my mail” is a common quip. But this is TOTALLY LUDICROUS! Do I have to drive all the way to the city two hours away to get REAL USPS service where they will allow me to do what I need to do, or will I get the same treatment?
FUME!
I emailed the agent, giving her the short version, but I’m very sure that she’s not thinking highly of me. Well, that’s okay. I’m not thinking too highly of a certain mailman as well as a certain mail clerk, never mind the whole USPS system.
Recently:
- The Deepening is Open Again!
- Writing Lies From Truth
- Fodder for Stories & Novels, an Example
- Literary Litter
- Diary of a Human Outlander, 9-16-08
- Dedicated to Each and Every Word
- Okay. Back in the Saddle. I’m Writing, Again.
- Moving is Tough on Writing Novels
- Move complete & back online…when the DSL doesn’t falter
- Offline for a week.
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